My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
