i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
