You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
