My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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