mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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