I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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