I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
