did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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