ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
