i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize