I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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