I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
