I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
