Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
