i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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