im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
