FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
