Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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