did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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