I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
