I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
