3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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