did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
