Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
