my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
