It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
