I am in a vortex of obligation.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
