There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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