My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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