I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
