those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
