I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
