:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
