we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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