You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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