Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
