apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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