Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have fence marks all over my body
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
