You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize