I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
