physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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