So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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