finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
