running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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