I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
