She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
