Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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