I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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