i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
