my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
