4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
there was a trapeze. enough said
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
