All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
