I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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