you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize