Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
