May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
