I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
