matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
