Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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