loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
