I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
