I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
