i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
