I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
